Friday, 31 December 2010
Beware callers asking questions about brown tourist signs
Me: Good morning, I wonder if you can help me, I am currently writing a book about attractions in Britain that have brown tourist signs and wondered whether your attraction has one?
Me: Sorry sounds a bit strange I know, but I'm putting together a comprehensive list of destinations in Britain that have brown tourist signs, and I was wondering if I could add your attraction to my list?
Lady: Well, I'm not sure whether I want to be added.
Me: Well, it's basically free advertising and I am singing the praises of all brown signed attractions, it's a good thing.
Lady: Sorry, where are you calling from? Are you a journalist?
Me (I get this all the time which I hate because everyone is suspicious of a journalist): Well, no not really, my name is Amanda Hone and I am writing a book and have a website dedicated to brown tourist signs, just me, on my own, it's a bit of a passion of mine...
Lady (getting annoyed now): Right, so where exactly are you calling from then?
Me (she asked for it): Errr... my parents' dining room.
Lady (clearly dumbfounded and thinks I'm mental): Well I'm very sorry to tell you that we do not have a brown sign.
Me: That's OK, no problem, I just thought it was worth enquiring just in case...
Lady: Well, I think this is a bit of a cheek.
Lady: I don't know who you are or where you're calling from...
Me: Um, Amanda Hone, my parents' dining room.
Lady: I hope you won't write about us not having a brown sign in your column.
Me: Right, I'm not a journalist and not having a brown sign isn't a bad thing, I was only...
Lady: This is all very odd.
Me: You're not wrong lady, but please let me just explain, I'm...
Lady: I think I've had quite enough of you and your bizarre questions. Goodbye (Hangs up)
Me (oscillating between wanting to both laugh and burst out crying): Thank you, you've been most helpful.
Hilariousness abounds along my Brown Sign Way.